So my mom has to the end of February (2 days) to enter the Financial Aid into 3 schools that I am interested in going into. I don't necessarily have to pick one yet, she just needs to send them in by their due date. I'm getting anxiety and I'm terribly worried because I really have only 2 schools in mind and one of them is just for my mom's ideal future she wanted for me. I am still unsure if I want to give that a try yet though. The other school I picked, their deadline expired the beginning of this month. I'm just so confused and it doesn't help that my brain shuts off when I need it the most. I mean this is my future, this is the time that my brain needs to be on its A Game!
With a cloudy vision of my life, I'm still trying to sort things out. My boyfriend says to stop worrying about it and that whatever I want to do will "come to me" in a sense. I'm not sure if I believe in that at all, but I do know that I cannot and do not want to wait. Being out of college for a semester is one thing, but not doing anything for 2 semesters with a job that barely gives me any hours anymore, is a major depressant for me. I'm tired of being tired when I don't actually do anything. I want to be productive, but there isn't anything that inspires me at all. Deadlines are a bitch and sometimes I could just wish that I can live my life on my own terms and nobody else will interfere.
Now I'm not procrastinating to find schools of interests that I may have... well maybe a little.... but in truth, I'm still very much stuck. I don't want to be that person who was forced to go into a particular study just because there was nothing left to choose from, or because their parents thought they would make a great doctor.. I want to be something that I choose and maybe if that does require time for me to actually find out what that something is than so be it. I just wish my parents would understand that and support me, because right now I'm lost without a plan and no where to begin from.
Like I have a few things I am interested in, but I just wish something.. just 1 thing would stick out to me the most and I can just focus on becoming that 1 thing. But it seems like that will never happen. Maybe I'm being a bit dramatic about it..but seriously..what am I going to do guys? Is anybody else stuck in this whole? I don't want to waste anymore time.. but how can I choose when I don't even know what I like yet?
HELP WANTED: CAREER THAT MAKES DECISION EASIER AND LIFE HAPPIER!
xoxo Amber
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