Nerves are Settling In

Ughhhhhh. Why am this nervous?

                                                   This is what I wanted right?                          

                                                                                                           Am I having second thoughts?       

   Why am I having these empty feelings if this is what I wanted?

                               

                        

These are my exact feelings right now. I talked to my mom about not giving up my dream of going to my dream school (FIT in NY). She said okay, let's look at deadlines and how much it's going to be and we can get started on everything. I just can't help but feel empty inside. I talked to one of my long distance friends about it and she made me feel a little bit more confident, but there's just something that doesn't feel right to me. 

You see, I raised my baby brother because at the time my older brother was dorming in college, my dad was working and my mom was always either sick or tired. So I was the one that risked sleep and friends to raise this small human. That means naturally I am connected to this widdle guy and leaving him just seems like this impossible task. He's not the only one that I feel is hard to leave behind..my boyfriend. Although he is my number 1 supporter, I don't want to live without him knowing that I won't be able to see him every night he gets out of work. When you get so connected to one person and they are your 1 true source of happiness in life.. yeah it gets a little hard to just up and leave. 

I don't know if I want to commute and I don't know if I want to dorm yet. Although dorming would be the more ideal option, it just seems kind of hard for me right now. I know I say I want to just get out and live on my own, but when I say that I mean move out and live with my boyfriend..someone I love and will always be there for me. I am a more family rounded person so meeting new friends and becoming that college girl really isn't important to me, my family is. So I am super nervous to adapt to all that but I was waiting ever since sophomore year of high school to when it was going to be my turn. I hope I can mature up a little bit and just let my dream unwind in my head. I won't know until I try but the thought of it gives me a mix of butterflies and nausea...not a good mix. 

If anybody is a family person and is thinking about chasing their dream and dorming at their college...please message me because right now I am going through inner-turmoil and I cannot breathe lol. (btw yes that gif is of Jenna Marbles) Thanks guys! 

                                                                                                                                            xoxo Amber