Break Ups..

On June 28th 2014 would be my boyfriend and I's 2 year anniversary..and it all came crashing down yesterday. I don't know what to feel now that we aren't together right now..I started to feel lost and empty then I began to feel like this is the right decision because I have been having some doubts about our relationship. Right now I feel sad again because we made so many plans together and since I can never escape my brain, I started to re-think about those plans and our future.

I want to stop thinking about what used to be "us" and just be me..but without him there was no me. When you're sad you start to think about all the bad things in the relationship, then you start to miss them and think of all the happy moments. Just think about this.. there's a reason why you're not together right now, hence the bad things. It should make you feel a little better, but if you're like me and suffer from slight "can't-make-up-my-fucking-mind"syndrome then you understand what I go through emotionally.

I've done the whole girl code options: 1) eat ice cream/all the desserts you can find 2) get distracted by shopping online 3)cry 4)lay on the floor..and cry 5)try to nap 6)eat 7)cry in the shower 8)eat again. 

I really don't want to publicly announce what happened for us to breakup, but I'm honestly unsure what's going to happen to us. For right now, I am still in the angry phase and I do not want to talk to him and I could really use some time for myself to just think if I want this to work or figure out my options. I feel very empty still but I've never been through a harsh breakup before and I guess this is what happens. We have a lot of history together so I think there's a slight possibility we might get back together in the future. And in that case we'll have to take it day by day before I feel my true self around him again.

Tonight I fall asleep with a lonely, heavy heart in hoping that I find something to take my mind off of everything. I go to sleep with no goodnight text and I wakeup without someone to say it to me...I feel like I lost a bestfriend .Sorry if I'm making no sense at all right now..but I hope you can understand why. Sweet dreams lovies. :(