I wish I could tell you...

I wish I could convince you to trust me full-heartedly again. I wish I could tell you that I like when you grab my hand and show me off in confidence to all of the world.

I wish I could tell you that it's okay to be frightful about our future. I wish I could tell you that it's not okay for you to feel like you have full control over our future together though. I wish I could tell you that it hurts me so much when you say "we'll move forward when I'm good and ready"...well what about ME. I wish I could tell you that every time you see one of our friends from high school getting engaged to not freak the fuck out..where 20 not 12..this stuff is supposed to happen now especially if you're in love. Oh and I hate when you tell me to stop wanting to grow up too fast..because if you haven't noticed in the blink of an eye.. I'm 20 years old and at this age my mom was already engaged to be married. I wish I could tell you that I want that.... I want to feel like you mean it when you say you never want to be without me and prove it with a ring. I wish you would stop listening to people who say it's outrageous to be engaged this "young"..because I could die in a car accident tomorrow and you will never get the chance to. I wish I could tell you that when I look at you I can see our future..then I remember that you hate when I talk about it so it makes me literally depressed. 

I wish I could tell you just how much you mean to me. When you're away from me, I feel empty and missing my best friend. I wish I could let you know that your little squidward giggles when you laugh at your own jokes, are to die for. I love your confidence, but your cockiness could be turned down a notch hahah. I wish I could express to you just how much you mean to me and I never want to see a day where you're not in the picture.

So I wrote the above paragraph on monday morning after class... some things have changed today and sadly altering this entire post. I still am going to post it, just to express my feelings in case anyone else is feeling the same way.

..now I wish I could tell you is to stay..