The first day of that year, I was very nervous that I didn't have friends in my same lunch period. However, I was rather content when I saw my best friend since 1st grade.. but I was a bit unsure when I noticed the friends she was with. I never particularly like her friends, because they have a rotten ego. They are rich, full of themselves girls that let's daddy buy them everything. They always gave me dirty looks and never really approached me as a mutual friend. I sat at their table with one of my friends from middle school and she sat with her friends. I started to get really upset and highly angry because I was being completely ignored. I sat the furthest away from my best friend and my friend I invited to sit with us was actually having more of a connection with my best friend than I was. I was trying to get involved but all she did was ignore me. She couldn't even make eye contact with me and that's when I thought, "Does she think low of me? Does she think that's she's better than me? Is she really doing this to our friendship right now?" It really ticked me off.. so like any loner that wishes she had more friends, I was texting my good friend of a couple years and asked her if i could sit at her table tomorrow. She said sure, but there might nit be any room. I had my doubts but the next day I could tell it was the best decision I could have ever made.
The next day at lunch, I sat with my friend and her friends. Of course I had to meet a few new faces that already had a permanent seat there, but it was worth it. That year at lunch was the best year of my high school career. Everyday was such an incredible journey and so many memories were made. I made amazing new friends and made so much laughs that I still laugh at them today. Although it was cramped and the other side of the table was filled with theatrical nerds...I loved it. Switching that table ruined on friendship but i gained 3 more so it wasn't really much of a loss because I instantly had a connection with all those girls instantly.
A couple of months passed not talking to my ex-best friend and I thought I should confront her about the situation. I waited that long because I wanted to see if she would make a move or apologize for leaving me in the dust like she did. So when I had enough, I messaged her on Facebook expressing my feelings and then some. I told her about that day and how I thought she was a completely different person since she met her new friends. I told her that she shouldn't be smoking since she has really bad asthma and that it's horrible how her boyfriend was making her do harder drugs. I told her that she shouldn't be drinking so heavily like she was on a daily basis. I was trying to steer her on the right path even if we haven't been talking for a while. I told her I didn't want to hear that my best friend overdosed one day... I was just scared that I was losing my best friend to bad influences. We got in a huge fight that day, words were said, feelings were hurt and Facebook friends were deleted and blocked.
I kept my words to a few people and expressed them rarely..but her on the other hand is known to make a big deal out of everything and make sure everyone knows about it. So she decided to make a Facebook status that was like for a letter to all of the following: my best friend, my future self, my boyfriend, and my ex-best friend." No longer Facebook friends I didn't know of the status until a mutual friend... my cousin told me about it. She wrote a letter to the ex-best friend and obviously wrote it specifically to me. She said that I was a horrible best friend and I'll always be a loner and weirdo and I'm a stupid bitch." What she failed to realize is that she is friends with more than 4 of my family members on Facebook, so obviously I was going to find out. I can honestly say I wasn't that hurt, because I know her personality and her bitter ways. It bothered me that she still would talk shit when she's friends with my family. I'm not one to stoop to that level of immaturity so I let it be, let her throw a tantrum and be your little spoiled self who complains to everyone. I moved on.
Months went by when I decided to message her again saying that maybe my words confronting her about the lunch table may have come out wrong. I apologized and I told her I was very disappointed as a person to hear her stoop so low and talk wrongly about my name when I never retaliated once. Of course I wanted to apologize just to clear my conscious and get rid of her from my life for good. I didn't want to end a close friendship of years on a bad note.She apologized as well.. but nothing really changed.
She still hung out with her stuck up friends and I never contacted her again. The only time I "talked" to her was to say happy birthday to her or her mom. Even then we still had nothing to say. Although she didn't treat me the same way.. never said happy birthday to me or my baby brother or my mom. She just never cared. It hurt a little because it was someone I grew up with and to not even have the respect to say it to my family was just wrong of her. Whatever.
Senior year came by and I completely forgot about her when I met my boyfriend. He took my mind of off everything that was negative in my life and made it into something positive. I finally realized who my real friends were and what connections I needed to keep in touch with and she was not one of them. On my birthday, I didn't expect a text from anyone since most people forgot it was my 18th birthday. But to my surprise I got a text from her mom.. who was like a second mom to me. It meant a lot that I can still talk to her and still have a connection with her even though me and my ex-best friend weren't friends. Being polite, I asked about my ex-best friend and her relationship and a few minutes later I get a text from a recognizable number. It was her saying that she was really glad to hear that I asked about her well-being. Smiley faces were exchanged and a little catching up was made, but nothing so serious was said as to where our relationship was at. The feelings were mutual and I no longer hated her because it just seemed immature to keep those feelings.
As of today, I just see her as an acquaintance, but nothing more. We've been through so much and I just feel like I was more of a best friend to her than she was to me. It always felt like she just didn't care about the relationship as much as I did, so maybe that's why I didn't have a huge problem of letting go of it. Now we're going to the same college and I don't know what to think. My mom wants us to have the same classes so we can re-build our relationship and get back to the state we were at years ago. But deep down I don't really want that, because she's just changed into someone completely different. My mom offered the idea that maybe that was all high school drama bullshit..maybe college will change her. It kind of sprung a thought in my head, but ultimately I don't think it's a smart idea. I'd rather stick with the friends that were real and true to me no matter what. Although it might not be a lot of people.. they're still the only few I can really trust so it doesn't really matter.
But we'll see where the future takes us. You never know...
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