What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

Today I received a letter from a college my parents wanted me to apply to, since my older brother goes there. Ultimately I felt like my decision and future was already planned out by them, I was just following orders. Nonetheless, the letter said I was not admitted. At first I didn't want to believe it, I was just so sad and heartbroken, but then I realized it's okay, because it's not my dream school. There was kind of a sense of relief, because part of me really didn't want to go there. My dream school is on Florida; Florida State University is my dream school.

I've been having a tug-of-war with what I want to do with my life. I wanted to go into the medical field because I thought making more money would get my family out of this stump and reassure my future family that I have an amazing career. However, I loved the fashion industry and I always wanted to make my own fashion line, but with my parents always telling me it's not a for-sure thing and I might not make it big... I doubted myself. So I settled for wanting to study nutrition, but once I visited FIT I knew fashion was what I wanted to do.

Sometimes I look at myself and just say, "maybe you just aren't good enough for all those fancy colleges, or maybe just college in general." I always excelled in the electives portion of school. Meaning art, clothing and design etc., but I struggled with the academics sometimes. I hate taking big tests and I loath study for them, so I thought, maybe I just shouldn't go to college then because I suck so much. But you know what, I do want to go to college, and this time I'm making sure it's the one that I really want to go on. I didn't work hard to get good grades just to stay home and work full-time. I want to have a career and be successful in life, so I'm going to do it, but my way and what'll make me happy.

I want to fulfill my hopes and dreams and study fashion merchandising at Middlesex County College for a year and then transfer to FIT or another fashion school. Although getting a "declined letter" from any college hurts, but everything is a learning experience. Don't forget that. Don't let anyone set your future out for you, follow your dreams and do what makes you happy. My boyfriend always enforced that on me, but I never fully listened. I understand now that it's my life and I need to please myself and if no one stands behind me on that, I know he will. I want to be happy and I want to be successful, but I can only achieve that by doing something that inspires me to be happy. Hopefully I have more luck with being in the fashion department, then with being a nutritionist. Both were my dream at first, but now ones looking more clear than the other.