Like every young girl I always aspired to be a model. Ever since I watched ANTM (Americas Next Top Model) I wanted to be just like Tyra Banks. I wanted people to look and me and gasp at how stunningly beautiful I was just like they did for her. But instead people wouldn't even give me a second look. It's hard to dream so hard in becoming a model when you struggle with acne and have braces on.. I quickly and sadly moved on from this dream..
After that I wanted to be an artist and just paint my life and feelings away because that was easy enough. But then I thought to myself.. it's really not what I want to do with my life.. this will take me no where.. So I moved on from that dream..
Later on I wanted to be a professional volleyball player and play on the beach version of Olympic Volleyball. After being the star player on my freshman volleyball team in high school.. I didn't make the team the other 2 years that I actually tried out.. because I wasn't good enough, forcing me to move on from that dream as well...
Getting into sophomore year of high school all I ever wanted to do was become either a chef or a pastry chef. Open up my own bakery of assorted yummy food and I thought it was such a practical dream because it was dealing with things that I loved the most.. food! Buddy Valastro aka "Cake Boss" really inspired me to want to follow my dreams in the pastry business... but then I realized I get frustrated when making brownies.... how am I going to open and manage my own business.. therefore.. I moved on from that dream too...
That's when I realized that I was just aiming for the more practical dreams.. dreams that I felt I was forced to believe in just because my big dreams seemed unreachable to other people..
My junior year in high school I decided to pick a more practical job and I was actually satisfied with the real world dream that I had picked; A Nutritionist. I remember watching a show in MTV called "I Used to Be Fat" and inspired me so incredibly much to help overweight people especially young teenagers with their weight.I wanted to make them feel soo much better about themselves and go out and buy that little back dress they always dreamed of wearing or finally going out with their friends because they feel more confident about their image..But once my cousin told me her friend is also studying nutrition and said it required a lot of knowledge in the chemistry department.. I freaked. I barely passed chemistry in high school and I was not about to embarrass myself in college trying to take a course that I flunked in high school.. so once again.. had to move on from that dream..
Senior year taking a trip to FIT in New York.. I finally realized my true calling. Fashion! I love dressing up ever since I was a little girl. My Clothing and Design teacher always said my ideas for fashion were the best and she loved my designs; she always praised my passion for fashion. Once we were there I was absolutely mesmerized by every little aspect of sincere genius that I saw in every corner. I knew one thing was for sure.. I wanted to attend FIT in the fall of 2013. Well as we all may know.. anything in New York is expensive so shortly after I told my mother I was sure of going to school there.. I also had to give up my one true passion...
EXCEPT.. I didn't and I have yet to give up! I am currently attending a community college where I am following my dreams and studying Fashion Merchandising. But I have had A LOT of stumbles along the way so far. I attended the Students Activities Fair with my boyfriend since he came to pick me up from school that day I thought he might as well stay and have free food for a little while haha. Anyway.. I stopped at a fashion booth. As I was waiting there reading their poster.. they started to pack up the booth. They ignored my interest completely.. and when I say "they" I don't just mean the students.. the teacher representative ignored me so bad.. I might as well just have been invisible to her and I was only standing a couple of inches away from her. It was only until after her students finished packing up that she began to tell me what the club was about.. not making any eye contact with me at all. They judged me completely and I felt so upset I felt like just running away and crying. That day I didn't think I'd run into a fashion booth, so like a normal college student I was wearing ripped jeans, my vans and a sweater. They took one quick look at my outfit and chose to act like I was a ghost to them. It totally discouraged me, but I signed up for the club anyway. A couple of days later I got a text from the club saying to attend a 3 hour meeting and wear heels.... since I couldn't attend due to a class that was during the meeting I just now ignore all of their texts to this day. They were stuck up jerks anyway, so why would I wanna be in your club! Since then I always felt like I wasn't good enough.. for anybody.
I began to doubt myself so much..especially when my #1 supporters.. didn't believe in me. My parents tell me my dream and my goal is clearly impossible. That I do not have the potential it takes to be in the fashion world.. but how would they know? They told me I need to stick with my previous dream of becoming a doctor.. but what parent wouldn't want that right? They said I need to pick a more practical career.. one that will not make me happy.. but make me more money.. since that's the true meaning of life. I couldn't believe how they didn't believe in me. But I still ignore them. It wasn't until the other day that I paid a visit to my doctor when I really felt like crying. My doctor said that I will never make it in the fashion industry. That I need to pick a more practical goal, that my dream is impossible and I should pick another dream. Do you know how heartbreaking it is to hear that your dream is simply impossible to someone else?? It hurts. Bad. And I did cry because the only person that believes in me the most is a person I met 1 year and 4 months ago. My boyfriend.
To this very day, this very second I am still unsure about my dream and what I want to pursue in my life because my parents and apparently my doctor have messed with my head and brainwashed me to focus on a more practical career.. but I know what I want deep down in my heart
Ever since I watched the Christmas classic (in my house) "Christmas with the Kranks", Blair inspired me to want to join the Peace Corps. Then as my dream grew and I wanted to go into fashion, I then had a dream to design and make clothes and give them to the less fortunate. Hand-me-downs are nice, but I want them to have hope. That they finally own something that is theirs. That was made for especially just them.. Well not long after I expressed this dream to my boyfriend he quickly shot me down. Which I already predicted because being in the Peace Corps means going away for long..long periods of time and our love is way too strong to be away from each other from more than 2 days. Which is kind of depressing because there I go another dream that I had to give up on. SO now I am trying to work towards being in the fashion industry.. if that doesn't work out then I can go into the medical field if I so chose to.
Life is too short, but it doesn't mean you have to waste it away on doing one thing. Expand your life and make it worth living. AND NEVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN'T BE OR DO SOMETHING. I listened and it got me in a world of confusion. I wish I would have stuck to my guns and be more confident in my decisions.
I love my followers, my viewers, everyone. You are all remarkable human beings and I wish that you stay strong and focused and persevere in everything you do
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