Friends Forever ?

Lately I have been having this very hypocritical mindset. I say that I don't need friends to survive, but honestly it's just a guard I always have up with people... I truly want to have a good set of friends to grow with. I only have a couple of "friends" that I see maybe once a month.. maybe. It's so sad because I actually grew fairly close to them and we had an amazing friendship.. until they all decide to drop me for some apparent reason.

I had a friend..actually a bestfriend for years.. I'm talking like kindergarten or 1st grade and we had an amazing friendship..that is until she hungout with the wrong crowd and started smoking and drinking when she has severe asthma. I was scared that she would get into more drugs and I only tried to look out for her. But she took it as if I were offending her and she put up this huge wall and wanted nothing to do with me ever again. She talked garbage about me and the thought of her name disgusted me. Our moms were very close so last year I decided to be the more mature person and talk to her to see if she really wanted to destroy our friendship and we made up. I only did that so that our moms can talk and be friends again because my mom was missing some of her friends. So we got together, talked things out and actually had a good time with each other. Long story short.. we got in a fight and she lied a couple weeks after. We got through it. She didn't talk to me for a month or more. She told me she was pregnant. I wanted to be her friend again so I can be there for her. Said she wanted to come over to see my family. Keeps making excuses. Never came. I feel like this..her is getting to be such a waste of my time. I still am open to give this friendship another try, but I just don't want to regret it in the end ya know?

I made a friend Sophomore year in high school in biology class. I pretty much knew everyone (it was  a small class) and I didn't recognize her, so I knew I wanted to be her friend. I don't remember exactly how it started, all I knew was that I wanted to be her friend. That's all. The first day of school we talked, then it all just went uphill from there. She was there for me through anything I went through and I was there for her. We made so many memories, you wouldn't believe. I felt like I knew her for decades and I only met her that year. We both struggled with depression and we both saved each other from suicidal thoughts. She was my left leg and without her I just felt completely lost. But at that time, what hurt the most was that she was my bestfriend and she didn't come to my sweet 16... not because she couldn't make it.. but because her parents wouldn't let her hangout with someone who was of a different religion. I instantly felt like her parents hated me and I never even met them in my entire life. I felt kind of betrayed in a sense, because she just went with it, she barely even fought to come to my big birthday celebration. And that made me feel like she didn't care as much about our friendship anymore. Anyway, I wound up forgiving her because I couldn't live without her and she couldn't live without me. We were designed to be each others crutch and I couldn't just leave her to fall. For the next couple of years we had little to no classes with each other and that's when the depression and sadness started kicking in for me again. By the end of senior year of high school, we only saw each other for 2 mins in the hallway and that was not enough for me. She is one of my dearest friends so we do keep in touch a lot now. I go to her for anything and we do still have our Friday night girl chat at Starbucks near the mall. And I am so thankful for every moment we spend together. Now we are actually planning to get mani-pedi's soon enough so we can just relax and talk again. I love my bestfriend, but I wish she was in my life much more often...

My other close friend was actually one I haven't seen in years and when I saw her for the first time again I instantly recognized that face. And the funny thing is that she recognized mine as well. After that funny reunion we became even closer. Turns out we took ballet with each other when we were just wee little girls. I found the pictures and showed her and all we could do was laugh and know that we had to stay friends for a long time. So we did. She's the type of person I can go to for anything as well and I can talk to her with just about anything. She's so super funny and pretty and we got along so well. We hungout a lot, we went shopping and going out for food and dessert and we grew with the men we were interested in at the time. We were all a fun group of friends junior year of high school and those were the best times of my life. Nowadays, we still talk and we still try to hangout.. but it isn't nearly as much as we used to and I miss her, but sometimes it feels like I'm just a back-up friend. I know she means well.. but we barely talked in months and whenever I try to make plans to hangout, I don't see much effort coming from her part and that hurts as well. I love her to death and I want to be close to her again

There is one friend that I had since I was in 6th grade, the only problem is that he lives miles away in Florida. No one took me seriously when I told them he was really my friend and how amazing he actually was. All they were looking at was the distance... but that never mattered to me. He was always there for me and his humor was adorable. We got a long really great and we planned to meet each other one day and I'm so happy to announce that we are actually planning to meet this year, either in the summer or when I go on vacation over there. We developed such a strong connection and I couldn't ever imagine my life without him. And I am seriously so stoked to meet him this year! I will def post pictures and do a blog post when it gets closer to that time! These past couple of days I have been feeling like all my friends bailed on me, but he's always been there even though he doesn't live in this state. Sometime I can even talk to him more than I can talk to my own boyfriend and bestfriends combines. It's just different with him and I love every moment we share together!

I have created some mutual bonds with some "Ex Feelings" and some of them are actually very supportive of me and I feel good about contacting them whenever I need to just talk or get a guys POV on things lol. I had a lot of friends throughout high school, but when you grow up you realize who the real ones are and I think I'm at that stage in my life where if they wanted to be in my life they would have.