We try talking about engagement, marriage and babies.. and as much as that can freak out an 18 year old guy... it did. Now I am not one to plan ahead for the future; I do things more spontaneously. But growing up I realized for the future, especially one that involves a family, we need to start planning things out. I don't want to be lost, wishing I had money or a house for my growing family.. I want to make sure that I have what I need when I need it. And sometimes he doesn't see that. I love babies and I know in my heart I am going to be the best mommy out there and as soon as I have my own place with my own little nursery for the baby, I want to have mah baybay! Buuuutt, my boyfriend disagrees and says he wants to wait until we're 30...uhm noooo. I'm planning everything now, what makes you think I want to wait until I'm 30? haha. I get what he means because he feels that we have time, but Reality doesn't think the same way. Reality says, "Get your shit together son, this is happening for real and it's going on right now!"
Anyway, we got in that huge fight because he gets very defensive and uptight whenever we talk about our future, sooo he slept on the couch by himself without me because I was just not having his attitude. I slept in my nice warm room, when I heard someone come in at 6am. He said "Amb, I'm sorry, it's just hard for me to talk about the future. Please come sleep downstairs with me?" I explained my point to him of being prepared and he gave in to what I wanted because he realized that was the truth of the matter. And that's when I realized how inlove with him I am. He might be afraid of it, but if we keep talking through it he is going to get more comfortable with the idea and hopefully will love the idea of being a daddy with me somewhere in the near future.
Most teenagers dream is to party at their dorm with their "bitches" and be forever young.. but the truth is you are not going to be forever young guys.. everyone needs to grow up eventually. Young people don't really understand their future and honestly, I am not one to talk..but I know that I want my own place so that I can actually be intimate with my boyfriend without having a parent secretly watching. I want to be engaged and sleep in the same bed with my fiance instead of him sleeping on the couch in a different room. I want to wake up in my own apartment wearing only a big shirt and underwear while dancing in my kitchen with my blue eyed husky watching curiously at my craziness. I want to get married to the love of my dreams in a lace form-fitting gown and have my parents& in-laws cry at how beautiful we are together dancing like no one else exists. I want to wakeup one morning and feel like a new human has taken shelter in my tummy and is boogieing around in there to the sound of daddy's loud car engine roaring. I want to be happy with a little family of my own. I know it isn't going to be easy, but I never wanted anything more in my entire life.
I remember watching Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life & what she said.. She said "Don't grow up, it's a trap!" it honestly really is..but if you have loving people around you that support you, it'll make life and growing up worth it. You can still be young at heart and in soul, but remember your goals for the future. I absolutely adore and love my boyfriend so much that I know in my heart we can get through anything that can possibly be thrown at us. Everyday we grow together through the love we have so passionately towards one another. He is my everything and I cannot wait to live my future out with him. Goodluck with Time& Reality everyone. They are tricky little buggers ;)
xoxo Amber
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