Too Young For The Future

Ever since I decided to quit college, I just realized how absolutely fucking hard it is to figure out what you want to do with your life. I mean most teens that decide to go to college are exactly what I just said.. teens. 18, 19 year olds that are forced to make a decision about what they want to do with the rest of their lives. That's pretty young if you ask me. And it causes such anxiety and frustration& all I feel like doing right now is cry and giving up..

Every senior in high school thinks that they know what they want to do. They have this imaginary plan of their life set in stone going exactly as scheduled. They apply to soo many colleges and brag about it all over social media. Going to high end colleges is all for show, 'cause even when you get out of high school no one cares or remembers where you went to anyway. And once you get there and you can't wait to move out of your parents house into a tiny jail cell of a room just so you can sneak in drinks and pretend to have the time of your life at some persons dorm. The thing is that, I don't care for all that bullshit. I am mature and am ready to start my life with the man of my dreams and do stupid shit with him. Not with a bunch of white girl wasted crazed teens that claim they're "studying hard".

Sometimes I wish that my future would have already been destined for me so I wouldn't have to worry. Or I wish that I had an amazing talent or just one small thing that I am good at to go on from there, but the truth is that I don't.. I really don't. I have a lot of things in mind that I have an interest for.. but for me, it just seems like it won't blossom into anything better than a mere interest. 

I've realized though, even if my future was already planned out, it's all up to my heart and what it wants to fulfill. Nobody can determine my happiness except for me. Even if it takes time, tears, frustration and yelling... ultimately, it's my life and I need to live it for me not anyone else. And that's what my boyfriend keeps telling me and it never really stuck in my head until now. I need time for myself to think about what I really want to do and make a plan for myself from there. Not have my mom threaten me by saying if I don't figure out my life by Friday, I'm going back to college. Obviously I'm not going to do that because I know that that place isn't for me. We'll just see what happens. Wherever fate takes me, I'll follow. I'll post updates about this topic by the end of this week.

Goodluck if you are going through this problem like I am. xoxo Amber <3