The past couple of days have been inspiring and pressuring all at the same time. My family and I have been supporting my older brother in his graduation from Rutgers University. I'm so proud of him and all his success he is often my educational inspiration, but it often scares me that I won't live up to his level of achievements. He had 3 ceremonies and all 3 I saw the sense of pride in my parents eyes. They were cheering loud and chanting his name when he appeared on stage, they were so happy..but with that comes immense pressure on ..well the next sibling to graduate..me.
Ever since my Senior year of high school my parents have been pressuring me to follow in the first Vargas to graduate and attend Rutgers. Now as crazy as it seems, Rutgers was never/will never be my first choice in school. Why you may ask? Because I feel it is a bit overrated, as any University is. In the sense that all you have a jocks and people obsessed with partying. They think just because their classrooms are bigger and they can actually dorm..that makes them better than anyone else and often talk down community college. Well in my eyes I see it as it's practically the same education..with some twists. The classes/material that I've learned aren't even courses in a University because they break down hard material and make it into more learnable ones (which is my kind of learning). So I don't necessarily see the desire as others may have. Now don't get me wrong, my brother absolutely adores his university and I guess it's personal preference, but I prefer smaller classrooms and more attention from teachers to ask questions.
But my parents continued to pressure me saying "You have to apply to Rutgers! You better be applying to Rutgers!" Even my brother would always try to persuade me and mention that "Rutgers has better this and better that". So after I applied to the university, I got a small envelope in return..and we all know what the small envelope is...REJECTION. Yeah, so I pretty much was over Rutgers and anyone who talked about it, because I mean come on rejection hurts from anyone, imagine from a university that your whole family could've sworn on their life you'd get in. So I guess I got very bitter towards the whole rejection, because it makes you feel like you're not good enough, especially because "not very bright" people from high school got accepted and you didn't. I was extremely hurt and I felt like a failure to my parents. I lost all motivation to even want to go to college after that, I know I'm a drama queen and you can't let rejection ruin your life..but it did okay, let it go it was the past I grew up haha.
Anyywaaaay, my parents continue to pressure me to this very minute about re-applying to Rutgers because it was closer to our house. My dad actually said "don't look for schools outside of New Jersey because that won't be possible"..he put limits on my dreams and that hurts more than he'll ever understand. Like I mentioned earlier, I love Rutgers vibe and atmosphere so I have nothing against it anymore anyways lol, but I know what's in my heart, I know it's not where I belong. But every time I say no them, the more I feel pent-up anger and disappointment because it won't be "the family school" if I don't go. And so they continue to pressure me. The only thing that was my saving grace was getting a BIG envelope of one of the schools that give me butterflies..LIM College in NY. It was full of brochures, an application and a application weaver to apply! I got so excited that I filled out the information almost immediately, all I have to do is get transcripts and whatnot and then I can send it back in the mall for processing!
What I'm trying to convey to everyone is, you need to follow your own dreams. Don't listen to anyone else that is trying to deter you from what you want to do in your heart. You only have 1 life to live and you can't live it trying to grow up in someone else's shadow. You need to get out of the darkness and into your own light. Build your own path and make it grand, make it worth going against everyone to follow your dreams! Take it from me, I'm doing just that and God willing, I'll make it there! I know I say this a lot, but it's my way of inspiring and motivating people to do their own thing and never feel like you have to follow in someones footsteps if you don't want to. Your career is your choice and it shouldn't be anyone elses.
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