I will never have enough words of gratitude for my grandmother. She was such a huge part of my life growing up. Ever since I can remember, she has always been there supporting me with everything I do, whether it be for my soccer games or my dance recitals. I can't remember a year that she wasn't over for my birthday parties and for every holiday. When my parents were out, she quickly took the lead role in the house and was the best babysitter ever. Although we asked for ice cream when we knew we weren't allowed.. she gave it to us anyway.
I remember her living with us, it was the best experience of my life. I would wake up to see her and go to bed with her, happy knowing that I get to see her face everyday. I remember specifically going into her room whenever I wanted to hangout with her and she'd always be watching her Spanish novella shows. This time she was watching a game show and the host had big boobs and she called her out on how abnormally large they looked. She said, "her boobs look so big, they're like watermelons!!!" Being little and hearing that made me bust out in laughter, because I was so shocked my grandma could even say that in front of me. I immediately ran to my mom to tell her and I cracked up laughing even more than before.
For my birthday one year, before the party started, my mom told me to go take a bath, but I insisted that my grandma came with me. (I was really young people, don't be nasty.) It was just that much more fun to have my grandma with me, but what I distinctly remember was her smell. To this day I still remember her scent from that day. it was a specific soap that she used and I remember telling her how nice it smelled. I also showed her my neat trick, when you step on one side of the bar and it just takes off crazily around the tub. She cracked up and we laughed so hard as she helped me wash my hair. The fun soon ended when my mom yelled up from the kitchen saying we'd have to hurry up before guests arrived. Although, I was having a blast with my grandma in the shower, I was more than ready to get the party started.
Some days I'd wake up, hurry and brush my teeth to run downstairs to wake her up in her room. I watched her struggle to open her eyes, but I rushed her to get ready so we can hurry and hangout together. I loved watching her brush her teeth, especially when she'd gargle her mouth, it was jus something that was so funny to the both of us. On school days, before we left, we always had to wake her up to say goodbye, otherwise our days just wouldn't feel right.
My grandmother, was the most special person in my entire life. Of course I loved my parents, but there's just something so remarkable about having a grandmother in your life, they just complete the family. So when my grandma told my mom that she wanted to move out because living in our house was getting kind of crazy with me and my brother being so young and wild. She just wanted peace and quiet. Couple months later... she moved out and went to live at a retirement home 5 minutes away from my house by car. It absolutely broke my heart because I felt like things were going great and me and my brother ruined it with our constant fighting. I felt to blame.
When she finally moved out, my family helped her settle into her new place and we all agreed it was the best choice for her. It was quiet and just a place of her own. I loved her place, especially days when my parents just dropped me off so I can spend the whole day with her. We'd play board games that I had brought, we'd listen to music and watch novellas together. Then around dinner time, I'd watch her do her magic and make the best Puerto Rican food a grandmother could ever make. It was the best and I loved roaming around the building with my brother to the vending machines downstairs. We had so many adventures, especially when our cousins came up from Virginia to explore with us. I loved having mail duty and saying hi to the security guard every day we visited.
Some days it'd get really lonely around the house, so my family and I would take a trip to my grandma's place. Although 5 minutes by car, it was around a 10-15 minute walk. But that didn't stop us from wanting to spend time with her. We'd play games and have dinner and just be a happy little family again.
I hate correlating negative thoughts and my grandma in one sentence, but not everything is sunshine and flowers in life. I absolutely hate thinking about these times, but I feel it's something I just need to talk about. I remember this day perfectly:
One day my, my mom had dropped me and my brother off as she waited in the parking lot because she was feeling under the weather. When we arrived at my grandma's door, we knocked and waited for about 2 minutes. She finally answered and she was so excited she couldn't put into words how happy she really was. So all she said was, "Bloop bloop bloop!" Not even kidding you guys, you can ask my brother. We all giggled and she let us in to talk for a little. Something wasn't right though.. her whole place was dark and lifeless. No lights were on, no smell of dinner being made, nothing. We had to pick something up from her to give to our mom and since she was still in the car waiting, we had to hurry. We said our goodbyes, we said our I love you's and gave her big kisses. While we were heading out the door..... she went to the fridge to get something, but she fell. My brother quickly rushed to help pick her up and I ran beside him. We lifted her up and she said she was fine, she just slipped. We made sure she was okay and left. When we got to the car, we told our mom and she said she'd call her later to make sure she was okay. I kept yelling at my mom to go inside and make sure she was okay right now. She didn't listen, she wasn't feeling good so I don't blame the fact that she wanted to go home and rest. So we left.....
....the next day, my mom had told me she had gotten a heart attack and had to be rushed into the hospital. My heart sank completely. My mind started racing and I felt sick to my stomach. We went to the hospital to go and see her, but I was too young to go into the part of the hospital she was in. Going days without being able to see her, I had enough. Not heeding my mothers warning, I told her I wanted to go in anyway. So they snuck me in... but I didn't think what I was about to see would be as bad as I pictured. As I turned the corner, there she was laying helplessly with too many tubes in her to count. It saddened me so incredibly much, so I had to distance myself a little to get some air. I hated seeing her like that, I should've listened to my mom.
When she got out of intensive care and just being treated in the regular part of the hospital, I was there every single day after school to late at night. I did my homework there, I took naps there, I ate dinner in the cafeteria some days. But I knew that I couldn't leave her side, she was there for me through everything in my life, I knew I had to be there for her right now and never leave her. It started to effect my grades since I'd get too tired being at the hospital, I wouldn't finish my homework. I didn't really care much though, taking care of her was way more important to me.
One time, when we went to visit her after school, we entered the room and all I heard was her in pain. But the thing that made me so upset that I broke down was her saying to my mom, "Rosie, I wanna die. I know I'm going to die, I want to." I couldn't bear to hear those words. The nurse was telling my grandma to stop thinking so negatively, she'll be fine, but I knew something wasn't right, I knew she was suffering. I wanted to make her feel better so that way she'd want to live longer. I made her cards and put pictures up of us together. I don't think it worked much though. But every time we left, I kissed her head and whisper in her ear, "I love you so much grandma, keep holding on."
A few weeks later, my mom asked me if I was ready to go see grandma and I said, "No, I don't think I'll go today, I'm tired." So I didn't go....... and that's the day my grandma went into a coma...and passed away. To this day, I believe that my grandma didn't want me to be there the day she decided to let go. She did it on purpose so I wouldn't have to see her leave me for good. That day, I was sitting in the waiting room with my family and aunts that had come down. My parents spoke to the doctor and they came back in the room saying, "grandma's gone." I couldn't breathe, it felt like my heart had stopped. My mind was bouncing around and I couldn't control it. I never cried so hard in my entire life. My mom was holding my head firmly crying as her tear dropped onto my head. I went into shock after a while and my mind went clear, I couldn't hear anything and I just stared at the t.v because I thought I should be strong for my mom. Suddenly it hit me again... my brother rushed out of the room, slammed the door and ran into the hallway. He sat on the floor and broke down and my dad ran after him. I could hear my aunt's calling my cousins in complete horror screaming, "Grandma's gone! Grandma died.. she's gone.. gone!" I was an 8th grader sitting in a room filled with screaming, crying people, it felt like time just froze. To this day, I feel to blame.
There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about my grandma. She was my best friend, she was my everything. I miss her more than words can ever explain. If there was one wish that I could make, I wouldn't wish for money or cars. I wish for my best friend back. I wish my grandmother could have been there for my 8th grade graduation, for my brothers high school graduation, for my sweet 16, for my high school graduation and for the birth of my 2 year old baby brother. I knew she would have loved him so much. Even though, she wasn't physically there, I know spiritually she was. I know she'll be there for me for the rest of my life, continuing to watch over me and my family. So I'll continue to speak to her every night and telling her how much I love her. I love you so much grandma, forever and always. "Dios De Bendiga."<3 1/13/37-10/28/08
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