In a Slump

My boyfriend and I have been broken up for only 3 days and it feels like so much longer. After the argument we got into on Friday, I just need some time for myself and to think about what I want to do. And every morning I still get a "good morning" text.. something he hasn't done in weeks. A text in the middle of the day saying how much he is sorry and is sick because of the time we spend apart. And yesterday after work I came home to flowers on my front porch. And of course.. a "goodnight" text. 

Obviously we love each other and we've gotten so close that we can hardly live without each other, but I'm tired of him thinking that I'm going to break up with him for 1 day and the next day we'll be all "la-dee-dah" and sunshine and roses everywhere and we'll get back together. No that's not the case this time. Friday night I was embarrassed. Humiliated. Feeling low and pissed off all at the same time. So now that pain he put me through, he's getting it right back. 

He is my best friend and my boyfriend, but sometimes you just need to get away from all the pity arguments and worthless fights because that's soo much stress that I don't need in my life. These past couple of days for me actually haven't been that bad. I have been relaxing and just focusing on me and it feels okay. Not the greatest feeling to be alone, but there's a certain comfort I have always gotten from it. I like to be alone sometimes and I feel like my boyfriend just doesn't understand that. So that night we went out and I just wanted to go home and be alone, he got all antsy and hated my guts. And that's why I felt like I didn't even know him anymore, like if he was just changing into someone I didn't know and didn't want to know. I felt like the love and charm of our relationship was fading and that made me sad and unhappy...but that's not the worst part. The worst part is that we have been there and done that before with this issue. Except the first time we got back together within 1 day. 

I do miss him and I do get tempted to talk to him (I barely have been texting him back for the past 3 days- and I'm not an asshole for that, I just needed my time alone) but then I think of all the heartache and unhappiness that he has put me through and it forces me to think if this is something I really wanted. 

I know we'll get together soon, but honestly I'm not really 100% entirely ready to go back there right now..despite all of his sweet and sometimes upsetting texts he sent me. Although part of me is very sad and my heart does feel heavy, it just isn't the right time for me. It breaks my heart to see him sad and upset because I know he cares, but there are some things that you just need your own space for. These past couple of days I have actually been focused on my future for a little while longer than I normally do and I am very excited to be more inspired to do better.

If you are going through something similar to something that I am going through just know that you are not alone and that you have me to talk to if you ever needed it. Heartbreak and breakups aren't the funnest thing to get through so having someone there to talk to all the time can actually make you stronger and more wise. I love you all & I hope you have a marvelous day. Stay Strong <3